Reasons to Hate Twilight
by happyhouseelf
Summary: It is a sappy, half baked, over the top, romance novel but instead of rotting away in cheap-buys bins and magazine racks, it's at the top of the best-seller list. And that really bothers me, so lets go in depth to the Reasons why Twilight SUCKS.
1. Why Edward is So Damn Hot to Fangirls?

(Note: I did not write all of this, some of it was collected from rants I found on the INTERNET and concise arguments on forums. I edited it and grammar-a-fied it. I did not ask permission for these rants. However, some stuff is mine. Yes I do realise now that Twilight fans will hate me for bashing twilight, and anti-twilighters will hate me for stealing some of their work. That's okay. If I stop posting it's because one group or another has tracked me down and killed me... Enjoy!)

Hello, quick edit put in here.

Before we get into this I'd just like to say, if your going to review, please sign in. I like to reply to reviews, so I can explain myself to those who have questions.

For example, I got this today :

Bexster 2009-04-03 . chapter 1

If you hate the book so much why do you even care what we fans think? I mean, It's us who are supposedly wasting our time you brainless bitch.

I would of love to respond with a cheerful hello, and thanks for taking the time to review. I would also state that I don't really care what Twilight fans think – I suppose the title of the story is slightly deceptive. I would say that its also me wasting my time writing this – so it all evens out.

Also, I would go on to say that I did have a brain... Once. My doctor will attest for that.

Anyways, lets get this show on the road.

1. Why Edward is So Damn Hot to Fangirls?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

A lot of fangirls (ALL fangirls) seem to think that if you hate something (really only if you hate Twilight, whereas they're entirely okay with hating, say, Jacob*) you should leave it be and not say anything that might be construed as vaguely logical or critical. But I disagree, especially when something this popular (how many copies have been sold again? Oh right - millions) is so absolutely terrible, and such a terrible influence on its primary demographic. I'm not going to go into a long, detailed criticism of everything bad about Twilight...

I tell a lie, I will.

I can paraphrase though: Edward is abusive, Bella is, for lack of a better word, a 'pussy'*****, Jacob is a borderline rapist, the whole thing reeks of misogyny (veritable servitude and unyielding passivity, anyone? We're having a special in honour of "I Hate Strong Women Week!"), the plot is vacationing in Iceland the entire time, it eloped with logic, reasonable dialogue got so depressed it committed suicide, it's painfully obvious no care or research went into it, and the writing is less impressive than a love-starved pseudo-pubescent teeny-bopper's fantasy journal. But I most certainly WILL go on some kind of almost organized diatribe on how Twilight is killing brains, and we're hard up for a cure. In other words, TWILIGHT IS BRAIN CANCER.

::clears throat::

The primary demographic of Twilight, and the following books New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn, is girls, ages about twelve and up... And love starved housewives. It's no great secret that girls this age are being pumped with more and more idealisms and romanticisms - cute couples on Disney channel, awkward first kisses on Nick, coupling all over the place in movies and books and television.

However, they're also just coming into a realization of their own sexuality, if you will (especially the older ages). Boys (and girls, I suppose) are no longer just naughty, dirty beings to be scoffed at, scowled at, and ignored - they're now to be desired. And this is the very reason why the "romantic" literature let into these girls' hands should be so closely monitored (not in the sense that we send them to a brain convent, but rather that we encourage thought and discussion on why they like books like Twilight (and heroes like Edward) so very much) - and why I'm so terribly worried about the popularity of Twilight.

As girl, I feel safe saying that being a girl and coming to terms with your "sexuality" (if you will) may just be harder than coming to terms with it as a teenage boy. I mean think about it, in our society boys are expected (hell, they're practically encouraged) to lust and experiment and pursue, to fantasize and made crude innuendos and objectify the desired sex. They're raised in an environment that allows them full range to want, sexually speaking, and they're taught that girls, unlike them, do not want. It's a notion that permeates all parts of society: the essential idea that men will pursue and women will be pursued. But this, like most of society's notions, is almost entirely incorrect. Girls think about sex. They fantasize and they imagine and they ponder and they consider and they want.

They're just not expected to, which creates a kind of unnoticed repression that often finds its only outlet in idolization of various public figures - they could be pop stars, actors (Orlando Bloom, anyone?), comedians, or even fictional characters.

And here come the fangirls. (Oh God, oh God!)

Fangirls are a curious social phenomena (non?). They are the recognizable face of overblown, undiluted devotion - they take a fairly common emotion, love/adoration/etc, and ramp it up to extremes. That's how Twilight got such a strong following in the first place, I think - it struck a chord with its primary demographic, because of a main character (Edward Cullen) that represents a perfect opportunity for idol worship. But where does sexual repression come in? Well, I'll tell you (!) You see, Edward is presented as the perfect boy. He's a gentleman, he's romantic, he's gorgeous, he's ethical, he's considerate, he's intelligent, he's hardworking - or so Bella (our faithful and witless narrator) says.

Because the series is written entirely in first person (thus subjecting its audience to 1.5 thousand pages of pure, undiluted brain torture), all things are filtered through Bella's unintelligent and extremely prejudiced brain. That's how, without a careful reading (and really - most of the targeted audience of Twilight don't read things carefully unless they have something to lose. Let's be perfectly honest), Edward is the perfect man. And he's timeless - he'll be young and physically flawless for absolute eternity, and he's damn near invulnerable. Hooray! How convenient! But he's empty - I mean, with the same careless reading, there isn't anything wrong with Edward (looking back and thinking about the text reveals that he is, in fact, an abusive boyfriend, but that's another rant for another time), but he's terribly flat and absolutely static.

He never changes, he never grows.

He never makes a mistake, but he never learns - he's kind of stuck in this eternal limbo of flawless stagnation, thus making him the perfect vessel into which impressionable, romantically frustrated (oh yes, another thing Mr. Cullen is: everything that your typical boy is not), pubescent girls can pour their sexual frustrations. They are suddenly dissipated as individuals and are absorbed into Bella, loyally linking limbs with their fellow cultists-er, Twilight fans.

Then we get into fangirl territory (those are murky waters), and into the deeply disturbing depths we find absolute, ridiculous fanaticism (such as girls saying that Edward is their imaginary (or even their real) boyfriend, and sooner or later he'll ditch Bella and come ravish them). And even beyond how silly it all is, it's just...deeply unsettling. I mean, these books are serving as a kind of new religion for its followers - its kind of the way they define themselves and their lives, how they gauge potential romantic interests and relationships. It's infiltrating their minds, affecting how they make decisions and what books they read and etc. And these books are TERRIBLE influence - an abusive, and absolutely unrealistic relationship, borderline rape, stalking, recklessness, sexism, passivity, and isolation are all completely romanticized in these books.

**BORDERLINE RAPE!**

Well that might be called exaggerating, Jacob threatens to kill himself if Bella doesn't love him, and then forces his mouth on her mouth and it's all very scandalous and just bad. And then Jacob semi-stalks her... But I don't care what you say.

I like exaggerating.

This is a terrible influence for millions of young teenage girls - what's worse is that it's going to cheat millions of people out of actually rewarding relationships because of these bullshit expectations formed by "omfggorgeiousperfectsparklyvampireboyfriend LOVE EdwardCullen!!!!!!!!"

I don't suppose anything I've been ranting about has made any sense, but I'll summarize quickly: Young girls are reading Twilight and seeing it as a kind of strange beacon of joy and love, while really they only like it because they don't have any actual, fulfilling hormonal outlet in their lives and its giving millions of impressionable pubescent girls the wrong idea about so many things. The messages are all wrong. The characters are BULLSHIT. The plot got so tired of being neglected that it went streaking through the Vatican just to get some attention, but even then it was just playfully admonished and put back in its cabinet.

............................................................................................................

* Don't get me wrong – I do hate Jacob too, because he's a borderline rapist. But I also hate Edward because he's an abusive boyfriend... I actually hate all the characters in Twilight, although I hate Bella the most because she's the biggest idiot I've ever read three books about.**

**Oh my god, I can't believe I wasted 1,500 pages of my life reading the endless, pointless, ridiculous slop that was the Twilight trilogy.***

***Though a large part of it is that I want to know how it ends, so that I can keep up a running anti-Twilight commentary. And pwn the fangirls. Stupid fangirls.


	2. The Abusive Boyfriend

(Note: I did not write all of this, some of it was collected from rants I found on the INTERNET and concise arguments on forums. I edited it and grammar-a-fied it. I did not ask permission for these rants. However, some stuff is minse. Yes I do realise now that Twilight fans will hate me for bashing twilight, and anti-twilighters will hate me for stealing some of their work. That's okay. If I stop posting it's because one group or another has tracked me down and killed me... Enjoy!)

Abusive Boyfriend.

This story is supposed to be about romance, yes? And how sun shines off Edward Cullen because he is the perfect, sparkly Boyfriend. Ok, then why is Edward Cullen an abusive, stalker boyfriend?

Edward Cullen's actions repeatedly demonstrate a dangerous mentality of dependency and control. He uses scare tactics, and gets away with it by telling the ditz of a protagonist that he loves her. She forgives him for anything.

The first thing any girl hears in a dating violence discussion is that jealousy is not love. Yet Edward is critically jealous of Jacob Black, one of Bella's family friends. Edward pushes Jacob aside from the end of Twilight where, when Jacob asks Bella if she'd like another dance, Edward answers "I'll take it from here." Perhaps Bella would prefer to dance with Edward – but it's her decision to tell Jacob that, not Edward's. The situation only escalates as Jacob becomes closer to Bella. In a confrontation at the end of New Moon, Bella is genuinely afraid for Jacob's life. Fans of the series might say "Oh, but Jacob is a werewolf – they're historical enemies." Would this excuse say your English boyfriend from threatening to kill your Irish friend? No, that'd be racism. So not only is Edward abusive, he's also a racist.

Moreover, in Eclipse, Edward is intent on keeping Bella from associating with Jacob at all. When she says in the first chapter that she's planning on visiting Jacob without Edward if necessary, he says simply "I'll stop you." That is to say, he is willing to use physical force rather than let his girlfriend see one of her closest friends. And it does come to force – to removing a vital part from Bella's truck and bribing Alice to keep Bella under house arrest when he isn't around.

A general dislike of Jacob would be understood. But taking steps that drastic to prevent your partner from spending time with someone that you dislike is abuse, plain and simple. And his surprising calm after Bella kisses Jacob seems more indicative to me of a cycle of abuse and reconciliation than any real resolution.

Jealousy is a control tactic. As such, it is often paired with isolation – a technique most familiar in cult dynamics. As soon as Edward and Bella begin dating, Edward criticizes her friends as 'shallow.' Bella soon stops going anywhere with other friends. Now you might say Bella chose this, and you would be wrong. Bella would do anything to please Edward, and he knows this, and so when he criticizes them, she instantly drops them. Not having formed strong bonds before Edward appears on the scene, Bella never bothers to form them at all. The isolation is so complete that when Edward leaves in the beginning of New Moon, Bella spends three months in a depressed state before rediscovering her other friends. Yes, it's understandable to want to spend time with your boyfriend. But when you have quite literally no life outside of them – when their absence leaves you so utterly lost – that is unhealthy. And it is wrong of Edward to encourage it. As already demonstrated with Jacob Black, Bella is capable of forming strong friendships when Edward isn't monopolizing her time.

Moreover, a part of this isolation is fully and unarguably intentional. When Edward leaves Bella, he flat-out forbids Alice, Bella's best friend at the time, from seeing her. His motivation? To ensure a "clean break." But it is Bella's right to decide when and how she wants to forget about their relationship. Presuming to dictate her healing process for her is the height of control – it is assuming that you have the right to a person's thoughts.

Abandonment is yet another control tactic. It is emotionally jarring, disruptive, and, if timed properly, can convince the target that their life is less worthwhile without the abuser. I have seen this treatment used on one of my friends – and, if it were not for me an some other close friends, it would have worked. Thanks to isolation, Bella has no such friends. When Edward resurfaces, she immediately clings to him more desperately than before. He has become her only lifeline.

Of course, Edward resurfaces in that he attempts suicide. I don't care what Romeo and Juliet says: suicide is not romantic. Apart from being mentally unstable, this is characteristic of abusive boyfriends. Many abused women remain with their boyfriends because they believe that they still love each other. They often feel responsible for their boyfriend, who tells them "I can't live without you." For obvious reasons, Bella doesn't want to be responsible for Edward's death. But because of this fear for his life, she stays in a self-destructive relationship.

Perhaps Edward didn't realize that Bella was alive when he tried to kill himself. But that just proves that he was unstable enough to go through with it – he had made the threat long before he made the attempt. Bella did not laugh off the threat – it shocked and horrified her. If Edward hurt himself, she felt it would be "because of her." And that puts a burden of responsibility on her that no person can or should be made to bear.

This sense of responsibility for his welfare also extends to lying to her father. Encouraged deception is a red flag for an abusive relationship. Yes, you can argue that Bella shouldn't tell her father about Edward's vampireism for the same reason that she wouldn't tell anyone if he had AIDS: respect for privacy. But it is expected that she would tell her father when she is with her boyfriend. Lying is unnecessary. You can argue that Edward does not encourage her to lie, instead asking her to tell someone where she is. But this statement is consistently followed with "So I know that if I kill you, I'll get in trouble for it." ("To give me some small incentive to bring you back," p 214) Predictably, it has the opposite effect: Bella, out of her sense of responsibility for her boyfriend, keeps their dates secret. Thus serving Edward's ends. Many teenagers will lie to their parents about their dates without a second thought. But this doesn't make it right. In fact, it only shows that Edward can't plead ignorance regarding how Bella would react to his statement. Any mind reader will know what she'd do.

Time and time again in Twilight, Edward frightens Bella. Fear is emotional abuse. It can also be used to assert control. Fans might say that Edward is constantly telling Bella how much he wants to kill her and giving unnecessary displays of strength in order to convince her not to stay with him. Why, then, doesn't he take the lead and stay away from Bella? Why didn't he stay in Alaska? Why didn't he simply switch Biology classes? Because he's "selfish." If he is unable to stay away from her, he has no right to scare her. Calmly explaining the danger – once, as accurately as possible, without hyperbole – will suffice. And then a boy who really cared would help her take necessary precautions for her safety. For example, telling Charlie when they would be together. Or, having Carlisle chaperon. Or by having a double date with Alice and Jasper, or by sticking in public places, or any of dozens of other measures, since Edward clearly doesn't believe that feeding often is precaution enough. But that would prevent Bella from swooning over his "devotion."

For that matter, why is he under the impression that seeing the dents his shoulders left in a car is insufficient to remind her that he is, in fact, stronger than your average human?

Finally, Edward refuses to allow Bella to make her own decisions. She insists she does not want to go to the prom – he brings her there without telling her. She insists she doesn't want a birthday party – he gives her a surprise party. She does not want to leave Charlie while James is loose – he throws her in the back seat and tells his brother to hold her down. When she resists, he either works around her back or manipulates her decision, kissing her until she forgets her argument. Real boyfriends respect their girlfriend's right to a decision. Abusive boyfriends must make all the decisions – using force if necessary. It doesn't matter whether he thinks he's acting in her best interests or not. Free will is non-exchangeable.

The circumstances of their engagement is a perfect example of his inability to let her make her own decisions. He agrees, at the end of New Moon, that he will change her into a vampire if and only if she marries him first. Marriage is not a bargaining tool. vampireism and marriage are both commitments – but they are separate BIG commitments, and should be discussed separately. The fact that he never intended for her to make that bargain, that he used it as a delay, is not an excuse. Rather, it is further evidence of a need to manipulate the relationship according to his wants and needs.

Likewise, when Bella decides that she does not want to apply to Dartmouth, he ignores her and forges her signature on the paperwork. Going to a college outside of the Ivy League will not place Bella's life or even her general contentment in danger. Yet he resolves that it is his decision to make, not hers.

A parallel incident can be found when he forges a note to Charlie in her handwriting on the day he leaves her in the middle of the woods. Yes, it turned out to be a good thing that Charlie knew that she was out there when she went missing, but no, that doesn't excuse forging a note when it would have been just as easy to write the note as himself: "Hey, Chief Swan, it's Edward. Bella and I are going for a walk in the woods. Be back soon."

For those fans who insist on some definite physical, non-negotiable sign of abuse, recall how Edward enters her house after leaving her in New Moon and hides every one of her personal possessions associated with himself. Destroying someone's stuff is never OK and always an abusive act. Even – especially! – when he's trying to control her healing process. Add the fact that Edward is prone to watching Bella while she sleeps – repeatedly, without her knowledge – and you have one very unhealthy relationship.

Yet in Eclipse, we seem to have a point of some resolution. As Eclipse moves on, Edward makes the radical decision to let Bella take some control of her own life and her own friendships. As it draws to a close, he even comes to realize that it was wrong of him to think he knew what was best for her. Awareness, I have always thought, is the most crucial step in dealing with an unhealthy relationship. Does this mean that Edward and Bella have finally worked their problems out?

Unfortunately, I don't think that this is the case. First of all, there is the fact that this "realization" is handed down as a proclamation from Edward, a statement of how he intends to act. True to the pattern of their relationship, Bella has nothing to do with this statement, and merely accepts it passively, without trying to discuss with Edward how they can have a more balanced relationship. Lack of communication implies a lack of any real development in the relationship. Translation: Meyer is trying to appease the critics by slipping in this speech of Edward's. And then Edward goes ahead and invites Jacob to the wedding even after Bella specifically said that she didn't want to invite him. Was it a good idea to have Jacob there, a gesture of reconciliation? Maybe. But maybe it was twisting the knife, and it's Bella's right to make that call.

And there remains one crucial element of domination in this relationship that has not been addressed – possessiveness. Talking of marriage, Edward says, "I want the world to know that you're mine and no one else's." This is not normal, and it is not healthy! Even married couples have a life outside of each other. That sentiment, "You're mine," might seem a mark of devotion, but it is a denial of Bella's full humanity. That mentality remains whether the couple is aware of it or not. And it will resurface eventually.

That, I think, is more dangerous than any poison could be. The fact that such a deadly emotion could hide under the mask of love. The most frightening part of the story of Edward and Bella is not that he hurts her, is not that she loves him regardless, it is that when in the height of Edward's controlling madness Jacob asks if he could possibly be an abusive boyfriend… Bella does not even consider the thought

.

The difference between love and obsession is not an idea to be ignored.


	3. Sexist towards Females

(Note: I did not write all of this, some of it was collected from rants I found on the INTERNET and concise arguments on forums. I edited it and grammar-a-fied it. I did not ask permission for these rants. However, some stuff is minse. Yes I do realise now that Twilight fans will hate me for bashing twilight, and anti-twilighters will hate me for stealing some of their work. That's okay. If I stop posting it's because one group or another has tracked me down and killed me... Enjoy!)

3. Sexist towards Females

Throughout the three books of the Twilight books that I have read (I could not stomach the other one) the main thing that stuck out at me was how all the female characters where portrayed. It seems, for some bizarre reason, Stephanie Meyer hates women. You don't believe me? Ok, just a quick list of characteristics that affirmed my belief in the deep-seated anti-feminism at the roots of this series.

Bella's girl friends: Described again and again by Bella as shallow and superficial, whereas the guy friends are given personalities and shown to be generally good guys--Mike, Tyler, etc.

Alice: A powerful vampire, but obsessed with the same things as Bella's 'superficial' friends--parties, clothes, etc. And, her ability is iffy, inconsistent, and unreliable as compared to Jasper's, Edward's, or Carlisle's (forget the other boy vamp--he's just super strong, right?)

Rosalie: Holds a grudge, is gorgeous, and is generally disliked by Bella. Her back story reinforces her as a victim who just wants to get married and have babies. This is compared with Jasper's life-and-death Serious back story where he was all soldierly and manly and stuff.

Bella's mom: Described as flighty, inconsistent, and needing constant supervision, is unable to take care of herself, whereas Charlie is the solid, caring, responsible guy who stays put in one place.

Esme: We don't hear that much about her. She's just a maternal figure and we hear more about Carlisle's and Jasper's history than hers.

The girls on the reservation: They get "imprinted" upon--basically chosen by the men to be their wives/future loves/whatever and have no say in the matter whatsoever. This imprinting is performed by the males and is absolute; there is no reverse imprinting where the women choose the men. Also, the pack leader's girlfriend does all the cooking and caring for the pack. _I assure you I will go very in-depth on on imprinting in other chapters. _The one girl who turns into a werewolf, instead of being a strong character, is petty and judgemental and hung up over the pack leader romantically.

Okay, now lets get to Bella.

Bella: Damsel in distress, makes bad decisions (going to the alley, putting herself in danger to hear Ed's voice), seductive temptress (wants to get into Ed's pants), cannot survive without Ed (melts into a puddle of goo during his absence), doesn't want to attend college now that she's met Edward, she's the root of all conflict (James wants to get a taste of her, James' girlfriend wants to kill her, Jacob loves her/creates friction between the pack and the vampires, all those people die in Seattle because James' g/f is trying to get at her), cooks and cleans for her dad because what else could a homemaker do? This is compared to Edward, who is the White Knight, makes good decisions, the morally strong (wants to wait to get down 'n' dirty until they're married).

But wait, there's more.

Twilight fan's will defend the book series by say it's not sexist and I'm an idiot. Ocassionally, you come across a more concise argument such as:

**"But feminism is about choice, and Bella gets to make her own choices!" **

It seems a compelling argument at first glance, the fact is that it's just as bad an argument as many of the others I've addressed over this series.

But why?

First, let's talk about feminism. What is it exactly? Well, in a word it's equality. If I were to expand that definition, I would say that feminism is about the right be treated and judged the same as those of the XY persuasion, to have the same opportunities, and to have the right of freedom of will the same as any man.

So, it's not so much about choice as it is the equal right to "choose," if choice is the end object. For example, if men can choose to remain a bachelor or to be promiscuous without judgment, so too should women be allowed that choice with the same repercussions (or lack thereof) as in men's case.

So, let's bring this back 'round to Twilight. What choices does Bella make? Let's sample three of her decisions throughout the series.

1. She chooses to follow James' instructions at the end of Twilight  
If you're arguing for Bella as a strong female character who is feminist because she is "allowed" to make her own choices, this is one bad example. Why? Because this choice was a bad one. It revealed Bella as stupid and incapable and led to Edward needing to swoop in to save her. Why? Because she, the weak and silly woman, was too dumb to see through James' unoriginal scheme and to her detriment made a bad choice because of that. This doesn't prove that Bella is strong, or that she's a feminist just because she made a choice. In fiction, the existence of the decision is not so important as the results of that decision themselves and how those results affect the perception of the decision-maker. Here, Bella's decision forces her into the weak damsel in distress figure yet again, thus propelling the charges of sexism and anti-feminism even further.

2. She ignores Edward's mandates against visiting Jacob and La Push.  
This one is a bit tricky. On the surface, it seems like an empowered decision. If you push deeper, however, more unsettling truths emerge. For example, why does she stay with Edward despite his abusive actions? Why does she submit to his attempts to control her behavior the rest of the time? Then, if you turn to the action itself (and forgive me but I don't have a copy of the book on hand), Bella says something to the effect of 'I know I won't get away with this' or 'I know Edward's not going to be happy' (or something like that), acknowledging his role as an authoritative and dominant partner. She doesn't like his behavior. She doesn't appreciate his attempts to control her, yet she exhibits no sense of strength or empowerment and Meyer treats the event like Bella's "breaking a rule" (Edward's rule) rather than having the right to do as she pleases. Not only that, but when his actions finally do irritate her--after she realizes that he removed her engine--she doesn't dump him or bitch at him or say, "fuck off, I'll do what I want" - instead, she leaves her window open. Even though Edward imposed his will on her and upset her with his abusive and controlling act, she doesn't respond. She doesn't get angry. All in all, she thinks of herself as powerless and acts powerless. The choices of an empowered female? I think not.

3. Her "choice" to become a vampire.  
Throughout the series, this was the one thing that simultaneously irked me and made me glad for her character. On the one hand, I was annoyed that she wanted to give up her humanity, her future, and her friends and family. The fact that she had zero ambition other than gluing herself to Edward's side for the rest of eternity bugged me. On the other hand, I was glad that she'd made a choice and stuck by it even in the face of Edward's obvious disapproval and anger over her decision. In books 1-3, Bella did intend to become a vampire. But there are three problems with that. 1) Her becoming a vampire was contingent upon Edward's agreement (Edward's choice), 2) it took the Vulturi's decision and the Vulturi's timeline to make Edward agree, not hers, and 3) becoming a vampire was never within her power to begin with. It was an illusion of choice, not actual choice. However, Breaking Dawn completely destroyed whatever tenuous thread of empowerment existed. She didn't get to choose to become a vampire--she was unconscious. She was dying, a broken and bleeding husk. Edward decided when the time was right. Edward chose to make her a vampire. Bella didn't have any choice in the matter at all, from beginning to end. Becoming a vampire was completely out of her control and even if it weren't, even if Edward was going to abide by her wishes and make her a vampire in some special candlelit room... that was taken away from her. That illusion of her "choice" was irrelevant in the end because it was Edward who made the decision.

So, what "choices" does Bella make?  
1. The "choice" to nearly get herself killed due to her monumental stupidity.  
2. The "choice" to submit to abuse, even though it's emotionally damaging.  
3. The "choice" that didn't actually give her a choice.

Those don't sound much like choices to me.

Obviously, women are supposed to like clothes, cook and clean, not get a proper education, do whatever their told and drop out of school to go get married. No, I think not. I for one could not care less if I look like a freak, in fact I purposely do sometimes. And I would rather go to University and full fill my dreams then marrying my boyfriend and make lots of babies. Meyer sets this piece of "literature" on the table and sets women back. What was she, attacked by angry feminist's whilst young?

I don't blame them. GO FEMINISTS

In class I showed this essay to a twilight fan (Yes I am always adding small parts to this). She said it was like this because its more exciting this way. Misogyny is exciting? No. Just no. I deny this claim! Having a well rounded female character can be exciting, I've read plenty of books where the main FEMALE character was not Happy Homemaker Ditzy Blond in Disguise.


	4. PLOT HOLES oh how they burn

(Note: I did not write all of this, some of it was collected from rants I found on the INTERNET and concise arguments on forums. I edited it and grammar-a-fied it. I did not ask permission for these rants. However, some stuff is minse. Yes I do realise now that Twilight fans will hate me for bashing twilight, and anti-twilighters will hate me for stealing some of their work. That's okay. If I stop posting it's because one group or another has tracked me down and killed me... Enjoy!)

HOLES (oh how they burn).

One would think that a bestseller would have a well rounded plot, and actually contain something other than pathetic angsty "romantic" drivel. WRONG.

There are so many things that aren't properly explained and so much that is just not needed.

_**Like:**_

Why does Bella have "Special powers" (Being able to stop Eddy boy from being able to read her mind) despite being a so-called ordinary human? (Oh wait thats right, she's Stephannie's author insertion. So shes "special")

If Meyer's Vampires are completely invincible in every way to human ability, why don't they just take over the world, or at least try to get on an equal footing. Someone told me once it was because they don't think like humans. Ok, fair go.

But James strikes me as the kind of character who would like to take over the world. Out there their would be more like him, they would gang up and then take over the world. But no, they don't. Why all the smoke and mirrors? Just take over the world, you morons! Meyer has pointed out several times in her books that humans are idiots, so you would be doing us all a favor. Seriously, that would be an interesting plot, Bella and Ed's "I love you he most!" "No, I love you the most!" is not an interesting plot.

No ifs or buts. I found Twilight boring.

Why is it that Bella is a junior when she meets Edward, but in September of the same year, she's 18? Did Bella fail a grade, or what? I'm not surprised at all, the ditz.

Why is it that Alice can't see what goes on in La Push, or, "werewolf territory" but Edward can read the werewolves thoughts? (Oh wait, I forgot. Meyers sexist, thats why.)

I always thought that in your book, you got one thing that your readers would believe without explanation. For Harry Potter, it was the fact that magic existed in the world. For Meyer, it should have been the fact that vampires and other mythical creatures existed in her world. But the fact is, an author only gets ONE. Twilight has so many of those in the book, the most irksome one being that Bella and Edward are in "true love".

You know what Meyer? I don't believe you.

I want to see proof. I want to see interesting relationship build-up, Bella and Edward gradually becoming fond of each other, not just instant "love". That doesn't happen. Even if love at first sight does happen, the two people still learn new things about each other as they spend more time together.

**WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THE_ *sparkle* _THING?**

What on earth does that do for vampires? Is it an asset? No, vampires just treat it like it's a liability. Of course, Meyer just needed an explanation as to why vampires could not venture out into sunlight. And, as she told us in an interview, she likes to write about "pretty things"... No, just no.

When you think about it from a logical point of view, it makes even _less _sense. Okay, lets gett into this in a suitibly nerdy way:

Meyer says about the vampires' sparkle motion power that "their skin hardens into a diamond-like substance (only harder). This material has prism-like qualities. The sun does not damage the skin regardless of the reflecting."

…The problem with being "harder" than a diamond is that diamonds aren't, you know, flexible. Now while it'd be an interesting idea (and alternate solution to the vampires-don't-go-out-in-sunlight aspect of vampire lore) if they suddenly turned to stone in the sunlight, Meyer doesn't do that. Their skin is just diamond-like. How do they move? It should be impossible.

About body heat: We learn from the approximately 234250907811 times that Bella says it that Edward is cold and hard and pale and icy, even when they're in bed together.

**My question is this:** how does Edward's body NOT absorb Bella's body heat? It's not as though his body can't react to other forms of energy, so why does Bella's delectable 98.6º flesh have no impact on him whatsoever? If you hold a rock in your hand, the rock eventually warms up. If you sleep next to a corpse, you'll wake up to the fact that the parts of the corpse that your body has touched are in fact warm.

Not that I'd know from experience or anything... Um, off track. Anyway, as I was saying:

It's not as though Edward's body is generating 'cold', since 'cold' doesn't exist in scientific terms. In theory, since Edward isn't keeping ice cubes in his pants (we don't think), he should always be room temperature, which means that to a human's touch, he should feel slightly cool. In hot weather, he'd feel warmer. But seriously—perpetual iciness makes no sense at all.

And then, you have to wonder why Bella's father is a policeman who doesn't notice Edward stalking his daughter.

Sorry to be crude, but Edwards over 100 years old and still a virgin. He was frozen at 17 – That's pathetic! If he's stuck at that age, I have to wonder if he still has a sex drive or not. Yes he was brought up in a different time when no one touched girls for fear of getting cooties... But over a 100 years?

He tells Bella that he's never had feelings like this before (gag). Seriously? I mean really?

Frozen at 17 and he's never been turned on by a girl before? That's either a lie so he can make a Bella puddle or he is truthfully gay.

Well I suppose its excusable now... Being dead must obviously must make it that little bit harder to get it up. I mean having no blood flow and all would really damper your drive, and by damper I mean re-kill it.

Now, I love fantasy. I am completely willing to suspend disbelief about fantastical elements. For example – in Buffy, the vampires should probably not be able to have sex. But they do, and because the topic is never addressed and because it's well-written, follows-its-own-logic fantasy, I don't have a problem with it.

But when an author specifically incorporates science into her fantastical story AND GETS IT WRONG (or at least is monumentally stupid about it), that's when I have a problem. Stephenie Meyer is WAY guilty of this.

**Quote:** _My reasoning was, why should the sun burn them? That seemed like a very mystical kind of thing, and my vampires are more science than magic to me (whereas my werewolves are more magic than science)._

There you have it, fangirls. That's why we're allowed to criticize Meyer for her bad science.

1. Edward's sperm.... Or, why Edward should be infertile. There are a variety of problems here, so let's go through each of them.

**a. "Edward is frozen! His sperm survived!"**

Edward has been a vampire for several, several decades. If unused, sperm survive inside the testes for a few days, let's say between 3-7 days. Outside the body, they survive a few hours. Inside the female, they can survive up to three days. Additionally, sperm require a specific temperature to survive; specifically, around 96 degrees. That is why the testes draw up closer to the abdomen for warmth when males are cold ("shrinkage" when swimming, for example) and why they "drop," or extend away from the abdomen, in a hot shower (as the body heats up).

Remember what happens when humans turn into vampires? Their body dies. Their body stops generating heat. All conventional wisdom, therefore, says that Eddie's sperm ought to have died within a few hours of his human death. And although Meyer describes Edward as "icy" and "frozen in time," he isn't actually frozen. He's a corpse. So, the argument that Edward's vampiness preserves his sperm (which, by the way, he didn't ejaculate that sperm for over 100 years...yeah, okay).

But, for the sake of argument, let's say that Edward did have some viable sperm. The, the question is: why was Nessie half vampire. Since vampires don't age or grow or produce body fluids other than venom (...more on that later), Edward's sperm could only have been human. Why was Nessie not fully human, then?

**b. The chromosomes changed! Like in, um, the rest of us body!"**

Ah, Meyer's "chromosome" explanation. Haha, good one. More on that later.

But for now, let's make this explanation a simple one. The difference (and why mammals can maek_babiez) between body ("somatic") cells and gametes (ovum, sperm) is that body cells have 23 pairs of chromosomes (=46) and gametes have only 23 chromosomes, period. Further, the ovum's 23 pairs match up to the sperm's 23 pairs. When they fuse, they create a zygote with--wait for it, now--23 pairs of chromosomes, just like somatic cells! Thus, gametes are called haploid cells because they have half the number of chromosomes as somatic cells (diploid cells).

So what does all that basic biology talk matter? Well, here's the thing, in plain speech. Those gametes went through a delicate and complex process (meiosis) to arrive in their current form. There's no way that a vampiric "virus" or whatever could transform them into a viable vamp_sperm without totally fucking them up because they aren't the same as somatic cells. Even if this vamp_virus could somehow alter the genetic code of somatic cells (thereby turning each of Eddy's cells (and therefore, sets of DNA) into vamp cells, that same process would not work for a haploid cell without irreparably damaging it and rendering it useless in terms of babymakin.'

But, for the sake of argument, let's say that somehow Edward's sperm was viable, with its vampire-ness intact (25 singular chromosomes...eyeroll). Meyer says that Nessie was born with 24 chromosomes (presumably 24 chromosome pairs). This does not make sense.

I've seen Twilighters use the mule/ninny defense, saying that horses have 64 chromosomes and donkeys have 62 and since some mules has 63, it "works" for vamp/humans and therefore dhampirs as well. Besides the fact that mules getting 63 is a total crapshoot, here are some reasons it doesn't.

Humans have 23 very specific chromosomes. Vampires (and for the sake of the discussion, let's assume that this is possible) have 25 very specific chromosomes.

Human 23 match with the vampire's first 23 (assuming they are the vampire's original human chromosomes). Human gamete has 0 left over, Vampire gamete has 2 left over.

Now, presumably, it's those 2 extra chromosomes which give the vampire its vampire traits.

What are those vampire traits?

Well, vampires are humans' predators. They hunt, kill, and gain sustenance from humans. This is NOT the same as the donkey/horse relationship, two animals which are very, very similar genetically - i.e., four-legged mammals, hoofed, living, herbivores, part of the equidae family and the equus genus.

Saying that a human and vampire can cross-breed is like making the argument that tigers and antelopes can cross-breed. One predates upon the other. They have extreme genetic differences. Humans are living, omnivores, mammals, members of the hominidae family and homo class. Vampires are dead, sanguinivorous, asexual, and since while they're possibly a member of the hominidae family, they sure as hell don't qualify for the homo genus (also, because they're not real and based on fantasy, but then again that's the point of this whole discussion - the absurdity that Meyer tried to explain vampires scientifically). Not only that, but they are humans' natural predator (strength, speed, DaZzLe!).

Long story short?

**THEY DON'T MATCH UP TO HUMANS.**

Besides that, even if those two left over chromosomes somehow joined up with each other, it'd probably result in some really fucked-up congenital defects (...they arguably did, but whatevs). They would not result in a perfect little creature like Nessie.

What about Nessie?

Unless Edward's sperm doubles as Miracle-Gro, Nessie ought to grow very slowly.

She should also require a more balanced diet, seeing as blood is actually very poor nutritiously and her body wouldn't get the required nutrients and fuel to sustain her metabolism and SuPEr!growth.

This is also the reason that Bella's gallon of blood as her tasty pregnancy supplement is completely baseless. Blood has very low nutritional value as well as being bad for humans if they ingest too much of it. If anything, Bella ought to have become very sick and starved to death if all she was doing was drinking blood. There's a reason vampire bats have to ingest ridiculous amounts of blood in order to survive.. It's because blood sucks as a food source.

If she does grow fast, then chances are her extra chromosome or two would really fuck that process up (...like, say, Down's syndrome, aka trisomy 21 [an extra chromosome! Why does that sound familiar?], which causes developmental problems in the brain as well as some physical oddities, like smaller, almond-shaped eyes, protruding tongue, shorter limbs, etc.).

**c. "Yeah, but Edward doesn't have sperm! He has venom!"**

Meyer has said (and I'm paraphrasing), "there are a lot of things that venom does."

Well, that's true. One of those things is that it gets into the bloodstream, it starts vamping a person. Given the fact that Edward banged (ha. ha. ironic?) Bella hard enough to leave bruises and the fact that she was a virgin... Chances are good that his venom_sperm should have come into contact with torn hymen or, once ejaculated into her uterus, should have been absorbed into the bloodstream. Meaning, Bella would very quickly have experienced a burning sensation inside her body and I really don't want to imagine Edward sucking that venom out in an effort to de-vampify her.

But, for the sake of argument, let's say that the venom somehow passed through her vagina, uterus, and into her fallopian tube where it reached the mature ovum.

There's this thing about sperm that makes it special. I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty details of it, but there's a complex hormonal response within the egg and within the sperm that make it possible for the sperm (about 0.05 millimeters long) to penetrate and fertilize the egg (visible to the human eye). Not only that, but it's human sperm which are capable of going through this process.

But, let's say that venom could do the job, too. Now, as far as I know, there aren't any human elements to venom (especially as it's apparently lethal to humans). So, if somehow the venom got to the egg, there are a few scenarios that would play out:

The venom's acidic (or basic, dunno which) nature would go Wicked-Witch-of-the-West style on the egg, destroying it completely (considering the egg is pretty fragile, and if venom can dissolve a contact lens in a few hours, then it would definitely fuck up an egg).

If the venom didn't destroy the egg, then it would make the egg all vampire (remember, no human element)... and the egg would not mature at all. It would die, and then become a "frozen in time," dead egg.

It would not turn the egg into a super-special super-speed growth demon spawn.

So. There you have it. Why Edward's sperm should exist, why venom doesn't work, and why Nessie's only possible origin is magic.  
**  
d.** **"But it's fantasy!"**

This is one case where that argument works, kind of. Meyer was an idiot to try an explain her vampires via science. It's a cardinal rule of fantasy that if your explanation won't work, find one that does. You know what explanation works for vampires? Magic. Call them supernatural; that's what they are. Using science as a bizarre crutch for your fantasy only ruins your continuity and your world's logic and it brings down the writing to the level where I have rendered her plot completely unworkable by the application of basic biology. The reason this is a problem is because it is yet another symptom of Meyer's complete fail when it comes to basic writing technique and theory.

And whilst we are being crude (Well, while I'm being crude), why the hell can Eddy Boy stand to be near Bella during her "Special Time of the Month"? I don't care what Smeyer (hehe Smeyer, sounds like Smelly Meyer) says, her flimsy excuses are void. It's blood, and it smells like blood whether its dead or not.

**HE SHOULD BE TRYING TO EAT HER!!!**

Another thing that bothers me, why isn't Edward on hot on Bella's trail since those brief moments in the cafeteria. Maybe that Edward only caught Bella's scent once she was in his biology classroom at the same time as him, But this is inconsistent. If her scent was truly that strong to him, he would have smelled her the first time he saw her. Especially since James was able to smell her while she was standing so far away from her in the clearing. What is Edward, Nasally Impaired?

In the beginning of Twilight Smeyer goes on about how she, oh wait whoops I mean "Bella", hates Forks and her supposed painful memories that are associated with the place, and yet she never explains what it is about the place that she hates. Yes it's cold, yes it rains, yes it's-god forbid- green, but there's never anything apart from that. If there was no deeper meaning behind her hate of Forks, then I think she needed to be a little less dramatic about it. Yes, she's a teenager, and teenagers complain a lot. But do we really need to read it for 300 pages?

And why, why are The Volturi never properly explained? I mean come on. You'd think the royalty of the vampire world would at least be explained. Twilight just has page after page of magic and wonder, with no explanations to back anything up. All the explanations Meyer gives about The Volturi are so vague. It's like we're all just supposed to go, "Okay. That's nice. Now, more about Edward and Bella making out!!!!!"

I think not. That is probably the second big reason I dislike the series, the first being how it depicts a lustful and abusive relationship as being healthy.

No research, no consistency and no explanation. You just can not believe that the story could be true.

I mean a really good fantasy story should be one that even if you can't believe it is true in our universe, you could believe it to be true in another universe. Twilight fails on both accounts.

And maybe some (well, apparently a lot of) people don't see this crazy thing called a plot a necessity in a book they're reading, but I do.

Twilight's plot completely revolves around Edward and Bella's "love". And I'm aware that there are some other things going on in the books but evens the minor events are some how related to Edward and Bella and their omgsocutee romance. The attempt Mrs. Meyer makes at explaining the history of vampires and "why this, and why that" is falls extremely short of satisfying, to me, anyway.

There are so many gaping plot holes in her story, if it were a food, it would be swiss cheese.


	5. Bella Swan is a Mary Sue

(Note: I did not write all of this, some of it was collected from rants I found on the INTERNET and concise arguments on forums. I edited it and grammar-a-fied it. I did not ask permission for these rants. However, some stuff is minse. Yes I do realise now that Twilight fans will hate me for bashing twilight, and anti-twilighters will hate me for stealing some of their work. That's okay. If I stop posting it's because one group or another has tracked me down and killed me... Enjoy!)

5. Bella Swan, taking Mary Sue to whole new levels.

I'll start with an example of Mary Sues which I found to be very interesting. Now some of you will not know what a Mary Sue is, and so I'll briefly summarise. A Mary Sue is what some people on Internet writing sites ((look up or sometime. Some of it is crap, but allot of it's better than Twilight and other books.)) call author insertions, or "perfect" characters.

Maybe an example would help explain, and as my English teacher says including references in my Essay (Well not quite Essay, more punctuated rant) makes me appear "Well read and intelligent."

There is a season 4 episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (which will now be referred to as "BTVS") called Superstar in which perennial loser Jonathan casts a spell to make everyone think he is perfect. He twists the whole world of Sunnydale in order to make himself the hero. He is a vampire slaying, basketball playing, jazz singing millionaire who can do no wrong and knows everything about everything. The writers play a neat trick of making fun of self insertion fan fics. Imagine Jonathan as a geeky kid (which he is) sitting at the computer and writing a perfect version of himself into his favourite TV show. However the writers show us that while this may be harmless when it is pure fantasy, when it becomes a reality (in the show because of a spell, in our world because Meyer published her self insertion fic) the world the character is put in falls apart.

The cracks in Jonathan's fantasy start showing. How can the 5ft tall nerd be a superstar basketball player? How can he be a better slayer than Buffy when he has none of her super powers? How on earth did he star in the Matrix trilogy without ever leaving town? These flaws are picked up on because they make people question reality and even logic. These things can't possibly happen and so Jonathan is found out and the characters regain their freewill, no longer acting as puppets in his perfect fantasy land.

Now I'm sorry if that seemed a little obscure but here is the link. Bella Swan is a self insertion Mary Sue and because of this the world into which she is put is effectively ruined. No person can be that perfect and so the reader questions whether any of the characters becomes more than a 2D puppet of the author who has them do whatever she wants to make Bella seem more Mary Sueish.

Let's start with her name. Bella Swan. Bella is fine. Swan is fine. But the name all together means Beautiful Swan. Maybe it would have been clever for Meyer to have her character have a name which represents the character's move form an ugly duckling in Phoenix to a beautiful swan in Forks but the character doesn't change. She looks and acts no different from her Phoenix self from what we know and so no real change has taken place. It feels less like a transformation from ugly to beautiful and more like she thinks she is ugly but is really beautiful. There is a Mary Sue hallmark. The beautiful girl who isn't aware of her own beauty because if she was she wouldn't be accessible to the reader and would come across as arrogant instead of the lovely, modest girl we're meant to believe she is.

I think this is also the time to point out Meyer's newest protagonist from her book The Host. Her name is Melanie Stryder. Not a stereotypical Mary Sue name. Until you remember Meyer's own name. Mary Sue - Melanie Stryder - Stephenie Meyer. Take a second to look at the letters used at the start of each name. M + S. On top of this Melanie and Stephenie basically rhyme. Stryder and Meyer aren't even that different. Another hallmarks of Mary Sues is that their name will be in someway similar to that of the author. Usually a more exciting, exotic name. For example, the author Jane could write the character Jade. Or the author Mary could write the character Maria. It's a definite indicator of the author wanting to insert themselves into the text.

We can push this even further in the case of Twilight with Meyer providing evidence herself on her websites FAQ section. She states that Bella isn't described in the book so other readers can step into her shoes (basically insert themselves and pretend a sexy vampire loves them instead) but she also explains how she believes Bella to look. (Yes this is another references, because I am well read and intelligent.)

Stephenie Meyer -

"In my head, Bella is very fair-skinned, with long, straight, dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. Her face is heart-shaped—a wide forehead with a widow's peak, large, wide-spaced eyes, prominent cheekbones, and then a thin nose and a narrow jaw with a pointed chin. Her lips are a little out of proportion, a bit too full for her jaw line. Her eyebrows are darker than her hair and more straight than they are arched. She's five foot four inches tall, slender but not at all muscular, and weighs about 115 pounds. She has stubby fingernails because she has a nervous habit of biting them. And there's your very detailed description."

Now go look at a picture of Meyer herself. See the similarities? Same kind of hair is fair enough. There's only so many types of hair in the world after all. Brown eyes are also very common. A lot of the other details could be considered coincidental but by the time you get to "Her lips are... a bit too full for her jaw line" it just starts to sound too familiar for anyone who knows how Meyer looks. Clearly she is writing a version of herself into the book and living out all her fantasies of boys desiring her at school, though not in an overtly sexual way, getting the one guy that no other girl can get, being the damsel in constant distress.

Maybe a self insertion wouldn't even be so bad if she inserted herself and showed her actual flaws as being flaws or if she inserted herself but herself was, for lack of a better term, a badass. Meyer really is living the fantasy with this one though. Bella is an instant star at Forks high which is very unrealistic. Kids move schools all the time without a lot of drama. Even in a school like Forks where everyone knows everyone it's unlikely that supposedly ordinary Bella would make the impact she does. Curiosity makes sense, especially since she grew up in such a different kind of place. I mean compare sunny Phoenix to rainy Forks. Anyone who hasn't left Forks (though how would no one in the school have never ever been on holiday?) would be interested in stories of Phoenix but no one actually asks her about it. they're too busy drooling all over her. This is what makes her sudden popularity so unbelievable. A boy crushing on her instantly is also believable since she is a new face to look at and stranger things have happened in real life but 3 (at least) at school as well as Jacob and Edward. That's a bit much. Apparently it's true to life for Meyer. Let's go back to her FAQ.

Stephenie Meyer -

"I mentioned in my bio that I went to a high school in Scottsdale, AZ, which is Arizona's version of Beverly Hills (picture the high school in the movie Clueless). In high school, I was a mousy, A-track wall-flower. I had a lot of incredible girlfriends, but I wasn't much sought after by the Y chromosomes, if you know what I mean. Then I went to college in Provo, Utah. Let me tell you, my stock went through the roof. See, beauty is a lot more subjective than you might think. In Scottsdale, surrounded by barbies, I was about a five. In Provo, surrounded by normal people, I was more like an eight. I had dates every weekend with lots of really pretty and intelligent boys (some of whose names end up in my books). It was quite confusing at first, because I knew there was nothing different about me."

I think she is still confused. I can understand not being much desired and ignored by the male population of a high school if you are the ordinary one amongst barbies *cough* once again Meyer's life and Bella's are scarily similar here *cough* but switching schools and going to college are very different beasts. In college, for one, boys want sex. Now they may not have got it from Meyer (which may in part explain why she had a different date each weekend instead of a steady boyfriend) but certainly the majority want it and, not living at home and being legal adults, they know it is much easier to get and is more expected of them to actually be having sex.

The fact that she dated someone else each weekend also represents a difference between her version and Bella's version. The guys after Bella are near obsessed. They fight over her and follow her around from the start. Having 3 school boys wanting you is different to dating a different guy each week. Clearly none of these guys were obsessed with Meyer like the boys who like Bella are obsessed since Meyer only went on a date with each one and didn't get hounded by them like Bella portrays.

Meyer's explanation also tells us that Bella is indeed ordinary. She was too subtle and quiet to be noticed in flashy Phoenix but she is indeed beautiful for if she wasn't then she wouldn't be one of the hottest girls in Forks (unless the population of Forks high are all swamp monsters.)

Now back to the start and the story of Jonathan from BTVS. That was an example of how a Mary Sue can essentially destroy their own reality because they are too perfect to ever exist. This is the basic problem with a Mary Sue. And it is a problem which pulls down so much of Twilight. It's unrealistic that Bella is suddenly the hottest girl in the world of Forks, especially when it has nothing to do with the story. There is no relevance for Mike, Eric and Tyler to like her. They only serve to reinforce the idea that Bella is the best of the best. It's even more unrealistic that none of her many faults are shown as faults or have consequences. She accuses other girls of superficiality but constantly talks about how beautiful Edward is without mentioning much else about him. She walks down dark alleys alone and runs to meet an evil vampire without telling anyone but gets saved each time by Edward. She never seems to learn from her bad decisions or even get told off for them. Edward forgives her for not doing the smart thing and asking for the Cullen's help at the end, her dad says nothing about her being overly cruel when she leaves Forks and no one tells her it was pretty stupid to walk down dark alleys alone.

Characters always have flaws no matter how much you want them not to. The problem is that Bella is such a Mary Sue that all the characters let her flaws slide. The author appears to want all the other characters to either love Bella or show Bella as being perfect in comparison. She ignores anything that would make Bella be a believable human and in the end this destroys the novel in a lot of ways. I personally, cannot help but notice every time Bella does a stupid thing and gets away with it. It takes me out of the world of the story. I question what is happening just like the characters on BTVS did with Jonathan because it is so unrealistic and illogical.

This is just one of the many flaws of Twilight but it's a big one. It takes away from the story so much. Self insertions are fun for the author but serious novels should be about more. They should have more structure and make more logical sense and even with fantasy books the characters should be 3D and relatable to the human readers. If you have a Mary Sue self insertion as a main character, then these things are damn near impossible to achieve.


	6. Paedophile Werewolves

(Note: I did not write all of this, some of it was collected from rants I found on the INTERNET and concise arguments on forums. I edited it and grammar-a-fied it. I did not ask permission for these rants. However, some stuff is mine. Yes I do realise now that Twilight fans will hate me for bashing twilight, and anti-twilighters will hate me for stealing some of their work. That's okay. If I stop posting it's because one group or another has tracked me down and killed me... Enjoy!)

7. Werewolves in this story are Paedophiles.

Anti: "Imprinting is sick, sexist, and promotes pedophilia"

Fan: "Imprinting isn't sexual", "Imprinting's not sexist because it's equally degrading"

At best, imprinting is a second-rate deus ex machina to make coupling easier for Meyer by taking away the necessity for character and relationship development. Basically, love-at-first-sight by any other name still smells not-quite-sweet. Now, had Meyer simply gone ahead with love at first sight rather than the imprinting concept, I doubt we'd be discussing it right now. Rather, I'd be arguing how lame love at first sight is.

But since Meyer chose imprinting and all its dangly bits, let's take a look at it.

Who imprints?

The male werewolves. It isn't known whether or not Leah can imprint, though she complains in Breaking Dawn that she's "twenty years old and menopausal", indicating that she can't procreate anyway, thus rendering the function of imprinting useless (more on that later).

Quil imprinted on Claire, a two year-old.

Jacob imprinted on Nessie, an infant.

**((Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww))**

Ahem. I mean when you get down to it, what is the purpose of imprinting?

We learn over the course of the series that the purpose of imprinting and why normal folk don't do it is to insure that the werewolf gene (or shape-shifting gene) is passed on. Think of it like an evolutionary adaptation to insure the procreation of one's species—much the same as certain types of frogs modulating the pitch and frequency of their mating calls in order to attract a female of their exact species. Imprinting is not to make sure that the werewolves get true love. It's not to make sure that the werewolves have a barefoot woman in the kitchen to make them sandwiches. The sole reason is for reproduction. That's it. No other reason.

"Imprinting is sick, sexist, and promotes pedophilia."

So if imprinting's sole purpose is for reproduction, then it is inherently sexual. Saying it's not sexual is like saying making babies isn't sexual. Reproduction = sexual.

To get out of the squick factor with Quil imprinting on Claire and Jacob imprinting on Nessie, Meyer quickly defends it by saying that the imprinter will be "whatever is needed, whether that's a brother or uncle or father."

And there go my squick alarms, blaring away like the siren of a police cruiser full of incestuous pedophiles.

One of the problems is that there is an understood future sexual relationship (by virtue of the imprinting) at stake. So the idea of the werewolf taking a fraternal or paternal role in the life of the child leads directly to the concept of child grooming, defined below:

"Child grooming"

Quote: The deliberate actions taken by an adult to form a trusting relationship with a child, with the intent of later having sexual contact is known as child grooming. The act of grooming a child sexually may include activities that are legal in and of themselves, but later lead to sexual contact. Typically, this is done to gain the child's trust as well as the trust of those responsible for the child's well-being.

Sound familiar? That's because that describes the exact actions being taken by Quil and, to a lesser extent Jacob (given that Nessie is supposedly super-mature and super in general) in their relationships with Claire and Nessie respectively.

Certainly Quil doesn't want to hurt Claire, but he's taking an authoritative role in her life and for her to grow up with Uncle Quil or Brother Quil with the expectation of a sexual relationship completely sabotages her rights and her personal ability to refuse him. That is, both Quil and the rest of the tribe expect her to engage in a relationship with him and she has been brought up with the understanding that Quil will eventually become Lover Quil. How is she supposed to refuse him when he's not only been an authority figure all her life but it's expected by him and the rest of her family and friends that they live happily ever after (and make lots of puppies)? That's inexcusable and sick, and as I already established, there can be no imprinting without reproduction. This means that Quil and Claire's relationship can never be simply platonic and that's why it's pedophilic.

Not to mention that it's also sexist. It puts all the power of the relationship into Quil's hands rather than Claire's. Sure, Quil didn't choose to imprint—it was forced upon him—but he does have the ability to mold and shape his and Claire's relationship over a period of at least 16 years while Claire is given no options of her own. This goes for every other female who has been imprinted upon… Where is their right to choose? If they're a member of the tribe, then they're expected to just fall in line with whatever boy has designs on them, because, as Meyer says, it's supposedly "hard to resist that level of devotion."

Now, a popular argument that the Twilight fans use is this: "Imprinting is degrading to both males and females equally, therefore it's not sexist." While they do make a good point about imprinting and the males, their logic is flawed. No, the males don't have a right to choose either—they become grovelling, snivelling love slaves with no options outside of the person they choose, but the difference is that they have feelings for the person. If we take imprinting at face value, then they've found their soul-mate and they have no doubts, no concerns, and no regrets about it. The problem is that it's not reciprocal. The females are not guaranteed feelings equal to the male, yet they're still expected to hop between the sheets with them. Had Meyer left it as a one-way, unrequited love process, then it wouldn't have been as sexist (it would have put power in the hands the female and degraded the male… not a good thing, either). But because she insinuates that the females are supposed to love the male back, then it becomes a problem.

Imprinting (and werewolf reproduction) is sexist in another way as well, specifically for Leah. Now, this is either a giant misunderstanding or a blatant contradiction (I'm inclined to think the latter, considering Meyer's dubious track record), but in Breaking Dawn, Meyer insinuates that Leah is infertile. WTF? Evolutionarily speaking, why on earth would a female werewolf become infertile while the males get to keep their little swimmers? (Same question to the vampires, actually) So if imprinting happens to insure reproduction, why the hell would werewolf-ism ever make the person infertile? There's zero reason for it evolutionarily (it goes counter to evolution theory, period) and biologically speaking, if the males can keep creating sperm with no problem, then it makes zero—ZERO!—sense for Leah's eggs (which she was born with) to suddenly lose their viability. After all, if imprinting is there to make sure that werewolf puppies are running around, then it implies that not only are the werewolves capable of reproduction but that it's preferred.

But no… Meyer decides to take away Leah's fertility, thus setting her apart from a) the other women on the reservation and b) the other werewolves and c) taking away her opportunity to imprint (if she's infertile, she won't imprint because the potential for procreation has been lost). Now, does the male werewolves' sperm count reduce more quickly than humans' (thus reducing their viability) because of their werewolfiness? Is that another reason for imprinting, to make sure that they get down-n-dirty quick enough so that they're not shooting blanks?

The answer to that is no. If Quil can imprint on a two year-old and have to wait a minimum to 16 years before reproduction, then it's safe to say that he's not losing any viability any time soon. Likewise, it's stated that werewolves, as long as they phase regularly, will never age.

So why is Leah ageing (going through menopause/losing her fertility)? Why does the woman get the shaft and the males get to prance around happily with no ill effects (rather, they get killer bods and a never-ending supply of viable sperm). Why do the males get their happy ending (by way of imprinting; no pun intended) and Leah is denied hers?

The only possible reason is that she's a woman and Meyer wanted to give her some extra angst (besides having her heart broken, coincidentally also due to imprinting). By taking away her fertility, Meyer implies that procreation and baby-making are the most important things to her simply by virtue of her having two X chromosomes. Sexist? I should say so.

Imprinting in five words: sick, gross, eww, *shudder*, SEXIST!, and awkward.

Good job, Meyer. Really nice work.  
/sarcasm


	7. Medical Fails in Twilight

(Note: I did not write all of this, some of it was collected from rants I found on the INTERNET and concise arguments on forums. I edited it and grammar-a-fied it. I did not ask permission for these rants. However, some stuff is mine. Yes I do realise now that Twilight fans will hate me for bashing twilight, and anti-twilighters will hate me for stealing some of their work. That's okay. If I stop posting it's because one group or another has tracked me down and killed me... Enjoy!)

This Chapter is mostly taken from the Twilight Sucks Forum. This is mostly about all the errors that Smeyer made whenever using anything sciencey or medically.

**Medical Fail the First,**

Bella's injuries in Twilight after getting pummelled by James. Let's consider: a broken leg, four broken ribs, a fractured skull (which Eddiekins refers to as something like "several cracks in your skull", which only someone who has no medical background would say--and Eddie is supposed to have gone through med school twice), lots of bruises, has lost a lot of blood, to the point she needed a transfusion of multiple units of blood (whole blood or specific components? ;p), and was kept in an sedated while out cold for several days (IIRC, she wasn't aware of anything between venom being sucked from her hand and when she woke up in the hospital and Eddykins was there).

In May 2002 I was in a serious car accident. Unconscious at the scene, airlifted to a better-equipped facility than the one nearest the accident, out cold in ICU for twelve hours. The finally injury tally was a closed head injury and broken bone in my pelvis and I spent four days in the hospital. November '06 I bruised the lining of my ribs on my left side. Between those things and my veterinary background (a mammal is a mammal) my inner Accuracy Nazi was going ballistic and wanted to send Smeyer a letter detailing every single way in which she'd demonstrated she was too lazy to get anything right and her kind of stupid should be very painful.

So how full of Total Fail is SMeyer?

1) Ribs--As anyone who's suffered broken and/or bruised ribs can tell you, injured ribs Hurt. A lot. I don't have Twilight at the moment so I can't remember everything Bella did that no one with injured ribs would do, but breathing deeply, hyperventilating, and anything that involves the use of or pressure on the chest/thoratic muscles on that side of the body.

When I injured the lining of my ribs on my left side and that Really Hurt and no way in fifteen hells was I going to move more than needed and then very carefully and slowly. I was out of work for several weeks until I healed up well enough I could twist, turn, bend, lift, and carry without it really hurting and I spent most of my time doing little but sitting in a very comfy armchair watching TV/DVDs, reading, or at my computer. Lying on my back was not at all comfortable and reaching across my body like Bella would have had to do to pull sensors and IV needles from her hand? I forget if the reaching action was Painful or not but I'm not thinking it was something I did, as I didn't want to risk being in Pain. Broken ribs, btw, take 1-2 months to heal up.

The doctors wouldn't have given Bella crutches and even if they had, she'd attempt one step with them, cry out in agony, and Eddiekins would have to catch her collapsing form. Why? Involves the use of chest/thoractic muscles. 'Agonizing' may be too weak of a word for what Bella would've experienced. The girl would've been in a wheelchair until either her leg or her ribs healed, whichever happened first.

I don't remember the whole prom scene but I have no doubt the fact Eddiekins had Bella out 'dancing' is the least of the things that would never, ever happen with someone with broken ribs and a broken leg. He'd have had to be very careful doing anything that involved moving her or putting any kind of pressure or stress on her upper body. Those who have the book can point up all the places Smeyer was particularly full of Total Fail.

2) Waking up in the hospital--I have a hard time buying that she was merely sedated. The girl was out cold for several days. You don't need to sedate someone who's out cold so either Eddy was confused about what medications Bella was being given (he went to med school twice, mind you) or he confused sedation with an induced coma. Whichever, Smeyer got that wrong and she messed up on what ward Bella would've been in while she was out like a light, because Bella would've been in the ICU and getting in there unless you're immediate family is difficult and nurses are going to be keeping tabs on the patients and their conditions like proverbial hawks. No way Eddiekins and Bella would've had uninterrupted alone time when she woke up. When I came around in the ICU, I tried to sit up almost immediately and almost immediately a nurse was there telling me to lie back down. Likewise, a nurse would've been there immediately if Bella tried to remove any of the sensors or needles.

3) Effects of the head injury--Bella wouldn't be even remotely clear-headed enough to carry on a conversation with Eddiekins beyond asking where she was, how long she'd been there, and the like. Her first action after waking up would be along the lines of trying to sit up and see where she was and figure out what was going on. Concern for not wanting to draw attention to herself? Puh-lease! Her brain would be much, much, much too scrambled to be able to form thoughts like that, never mind hold onto them long enough to try and act on them.

Basically, anything more involved than simple questions and topics would've been beyond her mental capabilities at that point. I don't know how out of it she'd be if there were mind-fuzzifying drugs in her system as well, but fuzzing up already scrambled brains...yeah.

She'd have been out of it not only for the length of her time in the hospital, but also once she got home. When I was recovering, it seemed like thinking was akin to trying to walk through molasses in the middle of January--sometimes uphill. The doctors had no idea how much brain damage had been done and how I'd be affected or how severely and, for a time, I was genuinely afraid the slow thinking might end up being permanent.

When you've always done well in school and known you have an above average IQ, to think you might now be stuck in the slow lane, unable to process things like you used to and express yourself like you used to can be _**terrifying.**_ A real person in her position would've been concerned with if she'd ever be back to how she'd been before the head injury and if not, how severely would be be affected and how would she cope with the changes.

The only relationship dynamics you care about when you're recovering is that the ones you love are there for you.

**Medical Fail the Second,**

In relation to Bella's Mum's newest sex toy who plays baseball, and I quote my fellow anti: "His thigh bone? His thigh bone? He BROKE his **FEMUR** while _SLIDING_ in BASEBALL? What, was he shot out of a cannon?!

And he's just a minor league player, for crying out loud.

The only time I can remember a guy's femur being broken in baseball was when a fielder and a guy running bases collided. Not this "he slid into the catcher" crap."

**Medical Fail the Third,**

Chapter 2, New Moon

At the end of ch 1, Bella's just noticed her arm is sliced open "...from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow. Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm..." (emphasis mine)

First, the way Bella was injured. It's not a fail so much as an observation. If you want to commit suicide by slitting your wrists, you'll want to _slice vertically--slice at a slight angle and you can sever two arteries_ **--not horizontally across the wrist-- **there are several ligaments there you'd have to slice through before getting to the blood vessels. I highly doubt there's anything behind the choice of injury beyond Smeyer looking at some human anatomy drawings and choosing what would be a dramatic enough injury, but I thought I'd mention it.

If blood is "pulsing" from any wound, you've hit an artery and that is an emergency situation, especially when you've hit a main artery and there are two of those in the lower arm (ulnar and radial). I don't recall there being any "pulsing" blood at the dance studio in Twilight, so this is at least as critical, if not moreso, than that incident.

Quote:

"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle murmured.

A second passed, and then Edward nodded slowly and relaxed his stance."

...the HELL? Carlisle is asking politely and waits for Edward to move? Like hell it would go down like that! Carlisle would bark, "Edward, MOVE!" and probably tell Eddie to do something like put a lot of pressure on the inside of the upper arm. There's absolutely no time for civilities, something Eddie, who's supposed to have been through med school twice, should bloody well know. He'd also get his head ripped off by Carlisle if he hadn't already started to act to slow/stop Bella's bleeding.

Carlisle, experienced in working under extreme stress and pressure, would've kept his cool but unless he got his medical degree off the back of a cereal box, he's going to be giving orders, telling people to hurry up with what he needs, and not waiting for people to get the frak out of his way.

Rosalie and Emmett would have been told "Get Jasper out of here NOW!" as Carlisle took giant steps as quickly as possible to get across the room and his next command would have been "Someone get me my bag. Hurry!" Edward, who's been through med school twice, would've known how critical the situation was and already been working on stopping the bleeding.

Carlisle would **NOT** have refused Alice's offer of a towel because of how much glass there was in the wound. I was floored, boggled, and thinking 'whiskey tango foxtrot?' Who, when someone's bleeding, refuses anything that can be pressed over the wound to control bleeding? Not wanting to press anything on the wound while there was still glass in it, I can buy, but Carlisle would tell Alice to set it down next to him or somewhere within easy reaching distance.

Carlisle would be much too busy working with Edward trying to save Bella from bleeding out to ask if she wanted to go to the hospital or not. Carlisle, if he were keeping current with trends and changes in the field, wouldn't be using a tourniquet. Pressure on the artery above the elbow, yes.

He wouldn't waste time and words saying "Let's take her to the kitchen table" to Eddie. It would've been more like, "Kitchen table. Lift on three."

Quote:

"You don't need to be a hero," I said. "Carlisle can me up without your help."

And

Quote:

Carlisle decided to intercede. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far."

BZZT! WRONG! This not being a minor situation, Carlisle is not going to send away another doctor-type person. (Yes, that IS the technical term)

Bella would have enough blood on herself from this wound that reek of blood would have her greener than an artichoke and throwing up multiple times.

.............................................................................................................................................................  
I want to interject here that IRL, any medical professional worth their name badge would not have taken Bella into the kitchen to work on her, they would have gotten control of the bleeding and then had someone else carry her out to the car so they could get her to the hospital--driving fast even for them--because severed arteries require surgical repair.

.............................................................................................................................................................

Nowhere in this scene does Carlisle wash his hands, put on gloves, or cleanse the wound in any way prior to suturing it up. Of all the fail Smeyer commits here, this is the biggest, grandest, most profound fail. This runs TOTALLY COUNTER to what you are taught/have drilled into you in medical--no, forget that, it's what you have drilled into you in any first aid/medical class at any educational level.

_**WASH YOUR HANDS AND CLEAN THE WOUND BEFORE CLOSING IT UP. DUH?!?!?!**_

I truly pity and fear for her husband and sons. He does, however, use a local anesthetic to numb the wound while he sutures it. How contentious of him. If he wanted to spare her suffering and pain, he'd have DONE THINGS THE WAY YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO! GAH! Suturing closed an uncleaned wound traps any bacteria introduced by whatever penetrated the skin and tissues beneath, creating an ideal environment for infection to develop. Malpractice, anyone?

A wound that size would not "sting". It would hurt like holy particular hell and you'd want painkillers so badly breaking into a pharmacy to get codeine/opiates starts to seem like a _**really **_good idea.

The needles used to inject topical anesthetics -- let's just say it doesn't matter how small and fine a needle is, it hurts like a son of a bitch and the doctor can't get it out of your very sensitive, already-hurting injured tissues. Bella would have been definitely making her displeasure and discomfort known and I totally empathize.

Carlisle would not use "thread' to close the wound, he'd use sutures. *headwall* There's absolutely no reason whatsoever for this level of stupid other than _**you fail at life.**_

Carlisle would not "wipe" anything on the newly sutured wound (it is NOT an "operation site"; another bit of stupidity), especially an "oversized Q-tip". Wiping would exert way too much force on the freshly-closed wound. The only 'wiping' that might occur would be more like dabbing at a small area than anything else.

Smeyer executes another round of **Complete Fail** when describing what Carlisle puts on the wound post-suturing. First, whatever is on the Q-tip that stains the skin, it sounds like an iodine scrub. Iodine scrub is used *prior* to surgery to clean and disinfect the site. It is NOT used on/near broken skin because it would damage any tissue/cells it came in contact with and that is very counter-productive to proper healing.

It took me at least ten minutes to figure out why Smeyer had Carlisle wipe down the kitchen table with rubbing alcohol (Bella referring to is as isopropyl alcohol is incredibly pretentious and smacks of 'Let me show you how smart I am'. In medical/veterinary circles, when someone asks for alcohol, it's understood they mean isopropyl/rubbing alcohol. Commercially-available alcohol containers will have just 'Alcohol' printed on/molded into them) because while that will disinfect, that's not what you'd use to clean up an area where you've just sutured a large and rather bloody cut.

It's only going to leave bloody streaks on the table so you need to go through and clean again. Get some kind of multi-surface cleaner or just good ole soap and hot water to wipe up an area. I was even more confused when he put everything into a bowl and set it all on fire. I understand wanting to disinfect and keep things clean, but burning what you used on Bella and to clean the table?

Finally, it hit me he did that to destroy any blood. Okay, good idea. Some explanation would've been _nice_, Smeyer.

Esme would not be using straight bleach to clean up where Bella sliced her arm open. First, bleach isn't going to clean up blood. Soap and hot water, floor cleaner, multi-surface cleaner...take your choice but that's what you'd use and both she and Carlisle would know bleach (and alcohol) aren't cleansers,_** they're disinfectants,**_ and how well they work relates directly to how clean the surface is before they're applied. Second, if you're going to use bleach to disinfect, you use a 1:10 solution. You don't need anything stronger. Allowing for the fact vamps have a much more powerful sense of smell having more bleach in the solution makes sense, but straight bleach is overkill and the fumes -- well, maybe they wouldn't be dangerous to vamps but they are for humans.

Edward talking about how what happened at his place could've happened if she was with friends: considering the size of the injury and that blood was "pumping" out of the wound, her friends not being able to find her a bandage (and who keeps bandages for injuries that size around anyway?) would be the least of the problems, and if they drove her to the ER, she'd definitely get blood on the car seats--and her friends, too. Smeyer clearly** doesn't **even begin to grasp or appreciate the magnitude of Bella's injury. This is **NOT** a minor thing.

While looking for info on how to repair severed arteries, I happened on an article about a soldier in Iraq whose carotid artery (in the neck) was severed in a roadside bomb attack. It didn't say how it was repaired, but it did say this, which is relevant to Bella's hospital stay at the end of Twilight:

Quote:

He was quickly taken to a nearby facility to receive medical attention, where doctors placed him in a drug-induced coma, a process that helps patients recover from potentially life-threatening conditions. He remained in a state of unconsciousness for three days.

Like I said in an earlier post to this topic, Smeyer was pulling that whole scene straight out of her completely ignorant bum.

Bad writing that doesn't involve lack of research:

Quote:

"Charlie wouldn't notice, I was sure. The long white bandage on my arm didn't look nearly as serious when I was no longer spattered in gore. Charlie was never surprised to see me bandaged."

1) A bandage running the length of your daughter's forearm is going to get your attention and cause you concern.

2) Bella was not spattered in gore. Total and complete melodrama to the max. Gore=/=blood.

3) Bella saying Charlie is used to seeing her bandaged: Is this yet another ham-handed reference how to bloody clumsy Bella Sue is? *rolls eyes* Yeah, okay, I get it already, so SHUT UP. I am a klutz, as are my mom and her mother. My knees are almost always covered with many bruises in various stages of healing. It hasn't fazed me for years when I see a bruise and I don't know how I got it (God help me if I ever develop leukemia! ;p).

I rarely trip when walking across a flat surface. I rarely trip and/or fall when hiking. I can generally walk fine on wet and icy surfaces. No one is as bad as Bella Sue unless they have neurological problems and if she were truly that unsteady on her feet, she'd have a cane or walker or something so she could go three steps without falling on her face.

Edward beating up on himself for having to fight "the urge to kill you" while helping with her and being there for you: **SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY! WE GET IT! Geez! Just...Shut. Up.** You lament like this is all one huge tragedy when you've made it clear you don't consider being a danger to her continued mortal existence a good enough reason to stay the hell away from a chick you profess to love more than life itself and you'd commit dramatic suicide anything ever happened to her.

You choose to put her safety at risk each and every time you choose to be around her, so enough with the lamenting how you could kill her. Dude, if that happens, I don't know if that would count as Murder One, but you definitely deserve to be locked away for a long, long time and your family can pay for your upkeep. We have enough scum living at taxpayer expense already.

Bella putting packages under her good arm and slamming the truck door: Bella. Is slamming the truck door with her injured arm? What colour is the sun in Smeyer's world, anyway? No way in hell she could do that! She'd pull at least part of the cut open from the exertion.

After slamming the truck door with her injured arm, she remarks inside that the slight pressure from holding her arm against her side "burned". Whatever. Go back to smoking your crack and leave the storytelling to those of us who aren't mentally deficient. While it's plausible she did wince while putting on her jammies, it's totally ridiculous to say this after slamming a truck door with your injured arm without even flinching.

When she gets back from the party, Charlie sees a long bandage but doesn't push it when Bella gives him what is clearly a bullcrap explanation.

**Medical Fail the Fourth,**

New Moon, paperback, p. 344

Quote:

"Is that one of those wolf things?" I asked him. "The [body] heat, I mean."

"Yeah, we run a little warmer than normal people. About one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine. I never get cold anymore. I could stand like this" -- he gestured to his bare torso -- "in a snowstorm and it wouldn't bother me. The flakes would turn to rain where I stood."

On a quick non-human physiology note, I'd like to point out that the flakes would melt, not turn to bloody rain, when they got close enough to Jacob to warm to the melting point. Snow is, for all intents and purposes, frozen rain. The "...where I stood" thing is general writing fail. [/side track]

For reference, some temperatures:

Average human temp: 98.6 Fahrenheit/37 Celsius

Canine body temp: 100-102 F/38-39 C

Smeyerwolf temp: 108-109 F/42-43 C

Having an average body temp of 108, 109 is not "a little warmer than normal people". Running at 99 or 100 is a little warmer. Ten degrees hotter? Jacob mentions a few paragraphs later that the temp (Smeyer says) the wolves run at is high enough that "[y]ou can't just got see any doctor when you're running a temperature that should mean you're dead." Either Jacob was being extremely tongue-in-cheek or someone needs to explain that if it's hot enough to kill you, that is *not* "a little warmer".

After the red flags started flying at "a little warmer", my mind started cranking on body temperatures and averages and just how full of fail was the Smeyerwolf body temperature. In other words, it was the typical kind of reaction of the intelligent mind to Smeyer's writing. ;p

Normal doggy temp tops out around 102 F and if Fido has a temp of 103 F, it's time to get him into the vet. Just a reminder, Smeyerwolves are 108 to 109 F.

For those who don't have a biology background, high temps are a Bad Thing because a high enough temp will denature the body's enzymes (read: messes them up so they can't work properly), as well as pretty much every other protein in the body (read: muscles and organs). The reason an egg white turns from clear snot to solid white stuff when you cook it is the proteins were denatured by the heat. That's why high fevers are so dangerous and why it's so important to get them down as quickly as possible.

What I found online about enzyme action agrees that roughly 104 F/40 C is optimal for mammalian enzymes. Humans and dogs are in danger of cooking at 40 C, so clearly there's something the sites didn't mention. *shrugs* I mention this because enzyme activity drops off rather steeply once you pass the optimal temp (varies from enzyme to enzyme) because of denaturing. Smeyerwolves are supposed to run a temp that's 2 C above the optimal temp for mammals, and while I don't know how much that would impair enzyme activity, the fact is that it would, and that's ignoring the reality that 104 in any canine not adapted to living in the desert is dangerous.

I believe it's in Eclipse Jacob says Smeyerwolves are human and I think it's also Eclipse where we get the whole metaphysical spirit warrior mumbojumbo about how the Smeyerwolves came to be. Whatever. If someone wanted to argue that when they're at one with their spirit wolf that causes some kind of change that enables them to run at a body temp that's high for any non-desert critter, and that's if they're pretty much at rest. Call it a supernatural heat shield.

In human form, however, they're exactly that: human. No spiritual heat shield, which means--you guessed it, you smart people!--they'd be cooked like so many turkeys at Thanksgiving. Mmmm, roast Smeyerworf! Sound delish! Can I have some mashed potatoes and gravy on the size, plzthx?

**Medical Fail the Fifth**

... Not really medical, more just factually wrong. But I suppose it has some medical bits in it. If you squint.

Bella's biology teacher did the blood experiment without informing parents and having the students turn in permission slips. He should've had his ass fired (and sued) as soon as the higher ups of the school found out. Teachers CANNOT do those kinds of things without parental consent.

Cause a student could have AIDS or some other disease transmitted through blood.

Schools these days use chemicals, not blood, to illustrate how blood typing works for all the reasons everyone's given. My 10th grade bio teacher told us how when he was in school someone got a nosebleed during a lab and after it stopped when the clot came loose the lab class made use of it for study under the microscopes.

My teacher then mentioned how something like that wouldn't "now". That was 1995 and things certainly haven't gotten any laxer since I went through biology class. I'd have loved to do actual blood typing and thought the simulated thing was a waste of time because we all knew what was supposed to happen so we went through the motions and spit back the right answers on the worksheets we were given.

**Medical Fail the Sixth,**

A human can not smell such a minute amount of blood as Bella did. It's impossible for Bella to have smelled a tiny pinprick of blood even if she stuck Mike's finger up her nose. (Though I spose if she asked, he would of.)

I thought it was weird that Bella was able to smell a drop a blood half a room away, but whatever. That doesn't mean humans can't smell blood at all. Contrary to Edward's belief, humans can smell blood if **it's in large quantities.**

Mr. Perfect goes about saying humans can't smell blood in large quantities. I guess consistency is **too **much to ask of Smeyer. Maybe she's never come in contact with enough blood to know humans can, indeed, smell blood.

I know I can smell blood. Having sliced my fingers more than a few times, and being a woman who gets her period once a month I can say with total assurance that humans can, most definitely, smell blood if there's enough present—which there isn't when someone pricks their finger, like when my diabetic friend tests her blood sugar before a meal.

**Medical fail the Seventh,**

This has been pointed out before, but the lack of fangs in the meyerpires means that they'd crush your neck when drinking your blood. Not only does this mean that all vampires should theoretically have gaping holes in their necks (which would be amusing), but that unless they really mutilate their (human) prey people will get suspicious. Humans bites =/= wolf or bear bites, and usually forensic scientists can tell the difference.

Also, vampires don't heal from other vampire bites. Jasper has all those scars from fighting newborn vampires. So why doesn't it ever mention Bella's stomach having all those scars from Edward when he chewed the fetus out?

Later she explains that Venom cures all. Which is weird – it's supposed to be venom. You know, a _**poisonous fluid **_produced by an animal and injected into prey or attackers by a bite or sting.

Vampire Venom should not cure people and turn them in Sparkle Spawn. It should **DAMAGE** them, _**not**_ heal. _**Damage.**_

Their venom is highly corrosive... If I'm ever ill and a doctor comes up to me and says "hi, this venom here can melt a contact lens, but it'll make you live forever!"

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Hang on, let me get my mini rant about out of my system:

_**Vampire Venom is stupid!!!!**_

Bella and Edward were so god damn careful about kissing because every fluid in Eddy Boy's body is venom. That includes saliva. The point was they were careful of kissing cause they didn't want Bella to be an accidental vampify but they still had sex which should have been more likely to cause the vampifying

**STUPIDITY OVERLOAD**

Bella should have become a vampire before her and Edward even got the chance to make bone braking love.

She certainly would become a vampire during sex. Cause all vampires fluids are venom.

*sighs*

Ok so they never open mouth kiss because of potential, accidental vampirism occuring? (fair enough but it sounds dull as all hell)

**BUT** she wants to have sex with him as a human. Surely if they were worried about venom-saliva turning her vampy then putting tab P into slot V owuld be even more likely to vampify her? So I guess they would use a condom but then we know they don't since she gets impregnanted with demon spawn.

SO. MANY. CONTRADICTIONS

Think about it.

A normal ejaculation may contain anywhere from 1.5 to 5 milliliters. Adult ejaculate volume is affected by the amount of time that has passed since the previous ejaculation; larger ejaculate volumes are seen with greater durations of abstinence. (A hundred years... Eddy should have been pouring out gallons, no wonder Bella's preggers!)

So, the amount of tears released in a 24-hour period is about equal with a smaller-than-average ejaculation, which takes course over the span of about 17 seconds. A condom is thinner than a contact lens, and made of much more delicate material. One drop of pre-ejaculate would have melted right through and vamped her, unless they were using condoms made of lead. Though knowing Edward, they would have been made of solid gold- protection and sparkle in one easy step!

Oh well, the condoms weren't really the point.

Anyways... Since the amount of saliva present in even a very wet kiss is probably less than the amount of semen the average male ejaculates. If she could have been vamped from swallowing a minute amount of saliva or from having a cut in her mouth, then she definitely would have been turned by sex. After all, not even AIDS can be transferred by kissing.

Which brings us to Smeyer saying her vampires don't have venom-tears, yet their contacts magically melt from...venom-tears.

Quote:

A fluid similar to the same venom lubricates their eyes so that their eyes can move easily in their sockets. (However, they don't produce tears because tears exist to protect the eye from damage, and nothing is going to be able to scratch a vampire's eye.)

I don't know if my point still stands or not.

Later she goes on to say that venom is lubricant between their rigid cells

Their venom is lubricant between their rigid cells...what the hell? I mean, does that work at all? That's how vampires can move and still be diamond hard (innuendo not intended, but enjoyed). That doesn't make sense. Things are soft/rigid based on chemical bonds n' junk, if a lubricant is powerful enough to loosen these bonds, then it wouldn't be the same substance, no bonds would form and vamps would be liquid jello crap.

Do you want to be a shiny vampire? Drink Astroglide! It'll slide in between you cells and make you vampire hot! Actually, it'll make you vampire cold.

Dead cold.

A new question they can add to IQ tests: Stephenie Meyer is to venom as George Lucas is to midi-chlorians_**  
**_

**Medical Fail the eighth **

I don't know if this has been mentioned/explained anywhere, but it confounds me that Carlisle keeps getting work. As an esteemed DOCTOR. You know, they type that has to prove education or past work experience in order to land a job. Sure, I guess it's thinly plausible to assume that Jasper's paper forgers mentioned in Breaking Dawn just manufactured him new documentation every twenty years or so, but what the hell did he do before then? Repeatedly change his identity and ace medical school again and again?

Which leads me to another huge thing that bothered me.

They use their REAL names every time they move to a new location?

Seriously?

But then if we had to borrow on the author's creativity regarding their former identities, we'd have heard about the ever so clever pseudonyms of Tedward, Alex, Casper, Rosalyn, Jemmett, Mesme, and Darlisle Sullen.

How do the Cullens even get into a new school? When I transfered schools, I need to have my birth certificate, school transcript, social security number, and proof of vaccinations.

Sure, Carlisle could always fake the vaccination thing, but what about the other things?

**Medical fail the Ninth,**

OK, so anyone remember when Alice (?) described why Jasper's powers work on Bella? Because he slows the blood-flow and actually calms the body, and it isn't a mind-thing. Then how the hell does it work on vampires? Meyer has said repeatedly that vampires don't have heartbeats. If they don't have heartbeats their blood doesn't flow. And if they don't have a blood-flow then how does Jasper's power slow it?

Or is it that Jasper's power affects the hormones or whatever. Like accelerated production of endorphins and the like to affect emotions. But even that doesn't make sense. If vamps are frozen in time, can those things even be produced? No, as only fluid in their bodies is venom. So no hormones for them. But, hey, this is a Meyerverse, logic has no use there.

Okay, so lets get our science on and think about his logically. If Jasper effects their blood stream, then that person is in for a whole world of trouble.

When someone is scared or anxious, the **Sympathetic Nervous System** kicks in with the whole "fight or flight" response: increase in blood pressure, heart rate, heavy breathing (which would include more blood flowing throughout the body as it prepares you to either run or fight), etc. This is completely psychological, it is not physical at all. The only way to turn these reactions off is to activate the Parasympathetic Nervous System, since that's what calms the body down.

So, there is no way that Jasper would be able to calm someone down simply by slowing down the blood flow in their body. There is more going on besides that that would have to be stopped before they are calm. His power would have to include a way to activate the Parasympathetic Nervous System in order for it to even work at all.

Now, I could be completely wrong on this, I'm not too clear about his power, but if I've read what's been said on here correctly, then Jasper's power really doesn't make much logical sense... and really wouldn't work at all.

- I would think messing with your blood flow when you were already is a panic state would probably make it worse, not better, as your body tries to get blood pressure back up where it's supposed to be.

- Even if it did work that way, Jasper's abilities are supposed to be much more extensive than calm/agitated. If he's going to make someone fall asleep in seconds (as he does in Twilight) it would have to either be considered a **mental power**, or be dependent on the ability to create hormones and control their activity. That is:

a) not how Smeyer says it works,

b) unlikely, since it might require him to instantly create hormones out of nothing

c) still wouldn't work on vampires

- Besides that, it's pretty clear that Meyer hasn't the faintest notion of what's "mental" and what isn't, since last I checked electric shocks to the arm are not a mental attack.

**Medical Fail the Tenth,**

Bella goes through nine months worth of pregnancy in a month?

The uterus is tough, but it goes through a lot in a normal pregnancy. It wouldn't have had time to grow, and it would probably end up stretched to the edge of tearing by the time Eddie and Bella leave the island, certainly by the time Bella is about to give birth.

Then we have Renesmee the super baby, kicking hard enough to break Bella's pelvis. So maybe normal babies have been known to crack ribs, but they did it after the uterus has had months to grow and stretch.

Bella's would rip open like tissue paper. Also in a regular pregnancy you are supposed to be able to feel it stretching, yet somehow Bella reaches the point where she can feel the baby moving and starts to show without feeling anything.

Well, apparently something surrounding the baby is vampire-skin hard.

... I really have to stop going on about the whole Renesmee thing. I've attacked everything about it from conception to birth.

But it's so easy! Renesmee in general is just so **STUPID**. It's just so unbelievable. Gah! It makes me so angry....


	8. Funny Unsigned Reviews

Now this Chapter is completely mine! Yay!

Some unsigned reviews – and answers I have for them.

_Reviews are in Italics_

My replies are normal.

**Bexster 2009-04-03 . chapter 1 **

_If you hate the book so much why do you even care what we fans think? I mean, It's us who are supposedly wasting our time you brainless bitch._

The next review is from whom I'm assuming is the same person. I wrote this at the beginning of the chapter one. I was trying to get across the point that I rather that If you going to review, please sign in. If you ask questions in your review, how am I going to answer them?

Anyways point is I wrote this:

Before we get into this I'd just like to say, if your going to review, please sign in. I like to reply to reviews, so I can explain myself to those who have questions.

For example, I got this today :

**Bexster 2009-04-03 . chapter 1**

_If you hate the book so much why do you even care what we fans think? I mean, It's us who are supposedly wasting our time you brainless bitch._

I would of love to respond with a cheerful hello, and thanks for taking the time to review. I would also state that I don't really care what Twilight fans think – I suppose the title of the story is slightly deceptive. I would say that its also me wasting my time writing this – so it all evens out.

Also, I would go on to say that I did have a brain... Once. My doctor will attest for that.

Now, I think the reviewer took offense, because I got this review next:

**ummmm......okay 2009-04-03 . chapter 1 **

_First things first. I didn't sign in because:_

_a) I don't have an account on FFnet, nor do I want on.e_

Not saying you have to. But if you don't, don't ask me questions. How am I going to answer them, with my brain? I'll have to put it up public, just like this. If you were shy, I might just embarrass you. That was my concern.

I am trying to be as polite as possible, but I am obviously failing. Sorry.

_  
b) Even if was in possession of an account, I wouldn't sign in because this is NOT going to be a very polite review and you would report me for it._

If I couldn't handle criticism, I really really wouldn't be writing this. I think it would be very of petty to report someone for reviewing. Please, give me SOME credit.

_  
Oh and also, I'd like to apologise in advance for all of the forward slashes you'll see in the next few paragraphs. It's just that I don't want anything I write to be censored. _

That's okay. If choose to swear at me, then whatever, I understand. What I am doing lots of people don't like, so I think it's reasonable you express yourself with vulgar language if that's all you know. Fair go.__

Okay, so now all of that's been cleared up, let's get down to business. 

_1) If you really hate Twilight so much, why are you even on this site, writing fanfiction, you horrible hateful b/itch?_

_I_t's a long story, but if you must know I am here because when I announced that I disliked Twilight in school, several people jumped up and interrogated me why. I was very verbal about my dislike of this book, stupid probably, but there you go. I like to think of myself as an upfront kind of person – I won't talk behind your back, I'll voice my opinions to your face, kinda thing.

Anyway, point is people would daily ask me why I didn't like Twilight. I got annoyed at repeating myself, so this opinion piece came into being. It was a collection of what I thought was the most convincing arguments.

Some the Twilight Fans laughed it off, other continue to throw dirty glares at me in the corridor. Anywho, one of my close friends dared me to put it up here. She said if I didn't die within a month due to rabid fangirl attacks, she would admit I was right and buy me a coke.

Sounded like a fair deal.

I knew about this site because I write Harry Potter Fanfiction under a different account. I decided I didn't want to risk losing viewers to my main story. SO here I am. You may think that this is cowardly, and maybe it is. Whatever.

_Are you really that pathetic and stupid and just plain SAD that you have nothing better to do with your time than come up with annoying bullsh/it arguments like this? _

Yes, I obviously am... Not really though. I'm actually quite a happy person – I got a great life. And as we already know, I didn't come up with all these arguments.__

2) "Also, I would go on to say that I did have a brain... Once. My doctor will attest for that."

I think maybe that when you wrote this, you felt all witty and clever, but can I just say that this entire sentence is just incredibly fu/cking lame? Not funny at all.

Furthermore, it doesn't make the least bit of sense because you're meant to say 'attest to' NOT 'attest for'. 

You can say that if you so desire. I'm not going to oppose your right to free speech.

In fact, thank you – I shall go back and fix that :) I should take something out of this. I realise now that if I am going to be smart allecky, I might as well to it properly.

I suppose I need to work on my humour and, apparently, my grammar.

_  
3) These aren't even your arguments.  
You plageurized everything here. You're nothing but a stealer! A very STUPID stealer because the stuff you copied from other people is not even good. Half of it doesn't make sense. _

Yes – but I admitted it first up. I admit that I have stolen this without asking, see the note at the top of every chapter. I intended to ask before I posted this up but I never got around to it, so there you go.

I am inclined to disagree, I found these arguments very convincing. But I'm stupid, so what would I know? I would ask you not to insult the people who did write this, however. And if you are going to, do it to their face. Find them and talk to them via akype or whatever.

Don't tell me. I know nothing, I'm stupid, remember?__

4) There are grammar and spelling mistakes everywhere in your writing. Can I give you a tip, sweetie? Have you ever HEARD of Spellcheck? Use it. 

You shouldn't be dependent on spell check. I use it, believe me. But Spell-Check doesn't do everything. I use UK standard when going over these.

I'm not going to defend myself and say that every on makes mistakes. That will probs just make you more angry. You seem like a very angry person, and I would not like to put to much stress on you.

Close you eyes now, if your as worried for your heart as I am, but everyone DOES make mistakes. Even published authors. Even your Ms. Meyer. For example, she uses the word chagrin out of the proper context several times.

I think I, someone who is still in school, is allowed to make a couple pf mistakes if a so called author makes them in published works.__

5) I bet that you are just some nasty, creepy little girl that has no friends and must therefore come here and try and make everybody else's life miserable. 

I think "nasty, creepy little girl" is a wrong way to describe to me. When does someone stop being a girl for example, and what do you describe as creepy?

I describe Edward Cullen as creepy, and yet people disagree with me. I can tell you that I am most certainly NOT watching you while you sleep, or telling you what you can't do.

I think of you as a bit creepy, for example, I used your review as an example. I did this because it was short, and a simple way of showing something. You were obviously prowling around watching this story to have noticed I changed chapter one.

This story was very obviously Anti-Twilight. Why read it? I think you like being offended. Aand that's whjat I see as creepy.

On the subject of friends, I'm not going to waste my time when your so convinced that I'm a loser. Whatever, it's not like your the first. I don't mind those labels. I was called a loser because I handed in my assignment a week early once, so I take it as a compliment.

Sure me and my friends are a bit on the nerdy side. That doesn't bother me. If I continue to get the marks I do, I'll be their boss someday. I don't want to seem arrogant, but I'd rather have a small close-knit group of friends now and do well in life, then be popular now and be a loser for the rest of my life.

Anywho, lets keep going.

_Well, you know what I think? I think that you are just a fu/ckfaced little reject. I think that you are nothing more than a piece of sh/it on the bottom of my shoe.  
_

That's great that you think that. I hope it makes you happy. I'm not going to say I'm beautiful like a model, or even pretty at all. I can assure you though, I'm not completely " fu/ckfaced"

Is physical beauty really that important to you? You know you bring this up a lot.

_I cannott beleive that you're from Australia too. People like you should be banned from living. Not because you hate Twilight but becuase you hate other people's happiness. Twilight fans are happy on this site.  
_

Well I think I can't believe that you think someone should get the death penalty for having a different opinion to the masses. I really don't hate peoples happiness. This is meant as a joke. Some people have appreciated that, and you obviously, have not.

Twilight fans aren't the only ones. I am quite happy here too. I love that fanfiction dot net has all these different archives all in the same place. It's very convenient.

I'd like to add in that where else would I post this but in the Twilight section? I hardly think this should be placed in the Harry Potter part. But if you disagree, by all means, REPORT AWAY!

_  
Why do you feel the need to try and change that? And I'm not saying that you WILL change anything because let's face it, darling - your writing sucks._

I'm not trying to oppress any ones joy. I can't stress enough that I'm not trying to convert legions of Twilight fans to my side. I guess that the name of the story is a bit confusing. But that's what it was when I originally showed the people at my school who asked why I hated Twilight.

_But the very fact that you are even writing something like this shows that you are an awful, cow-like b/itch.  
_

If that's all you think of me then fine... You know, your not a very creative swearer? If your going to abuse me please be imaginative and artistic.

_  
So all in all, I think today we've established that you are:  
a) pathetic and have no friends_

Have we really estavlished this? Where your proof, where's your testimonies from my peers and where's your inspired cursing? "Have no friends" seems very anti-climatic to me. I think you could do better. I have a whole lot of respect and admiration for you – why arn't you living up to that?

_  
b) stupid and boring_

Hmm... How can I prove you wrong? How can I show you that I'm not an idiot? Does it require some IQ test? Or shall I conform to the pack madness and throw away my true feelings?

_  
c) a moron _

We've already been over my intelligence, your repeating yourself now.

_  
d) a thief _

_*_Sigh* Surely the fact that I publicly announced it and never claimed the work as my own has to count for something? No? Fair go. I accept.

_  
e) lame and retarded_

Now, that's a low blow for even you. Are you insulting the handicapped. That's not very politically correct. I'm not lame – I can walk fairly well. Thanks for your concern.

I assure you, I am mentally sound. Or are you refering to my intelligence, yet again? Please, a little diversity, if you will.

_  
f) ugly (I'm assuming this from your personality and writing)  
_

You can tell how physically attractive someone is via their writing style?! Talk about an awesome superpower!

_  
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that nobody wants you here. So why don't you just go fu/ck off and get the he/ll away from this site?! _

Ahh, thank you for paraphrasing.

I don't want to leave! I love Fanfiction dot net! Nooooooo, I shan't let you tear me away!

As for no one wanting me here – check the reviews. I have people declaring their love for me! Surely that means I'm wanted by some, or don't their opinions count because they differ from yours?

Are you so shallow minded that you will deny a group of peoples existence? That you will disregard them because they're different from you? That you would disallow several peoples right to free speech just because you don't like it?

And you say I'm trying to oppress peoples happiness.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to review, your feedback is important to me.

Jenn.

**Christine Welk 2009-04-03 . chapter 1 **

_Do you have something against romance?_

No, I do not. I enjoy romance, I do enjoy action and adventure more, but there's nothing wrong with a bit of love. Actually, sometimes a I crave it. I love sitting down with a romance book, and disregarding how stupid some parts of it is.

With Twilight something about the so called "Love" portrayed in it rubbed me wrong. I like seeing characters slowly realising that they love each other.

I suppose it just seemed to unrealistic to me. I really, really do not like Fated!love or Love at first sight.

I hope this clears a few things up for you, and thanks by the way. I love reviews.

Jenn.

**Tal Squip 2009-04-03 . chapter 1 **

_I get the borderline rape thing. thats why we all hate jacob. But you cant hate on the fact that the book is target nine year olds cant get enough. of course preteens like it. they're gonna see hannah montana too. and love it. But serious college through middle aged women like it too. because the plot isn't vacationing in Iceland. And the dialogue didn't kill itself. And edward is supposed to be hot. some people like this book. Its not a crime. hope you find a book that you freak out about and love too. XD_

"but you cant hate on the fact that the book is target nine year olds cant get enough." I'm sorry but I don't quite understand this bit. I don't get what your trying to say. Do you mean I can't hate a book just because it was made for younger kids? Sorry, seriously I don't understand what you meant.

Well if you do mean that, then I get it was made for the younger girls demographic. And I don't hate it because of it. What I hate is that it was made for them, but is a terrible role model.

Do you see what I mean? I f your going to make a book for younger kids, I believe it should be checked so they don't get the wrong message. Twilight could be interpreted as find a hot guy and your life will be swell. That's what I mean. They really shouldn't think that.

I know that older females love it to, I have to go to school with them and hear about how perfect Eddy boy is day in and out. It's driving me nuts!

"The plot isn't vacationing in Iceland. And the dialogue didn't kill itself." Ha ha, yeah I might of gone to far with that.

But what I mean is that the plot didn't build up. For example, in Harry Potter the first, we gets hints all the way through about what's happening. Theirs a huge mystery about what the mysterious object that Hagrid got out of the vaults was, and Quirrel tries to kill harry the whole way through the book – not just at the end.

With Twilight we don't really hear about James till the baseball scene. I would of loved it if we could see that slowly build up through the book. Do you get me?

And as for the dialog, I really don't like the cheesy lines. Really, really don't. I mean come on, " Do I dazzle you?" What the hell? How is that romantic and cute? To me that just made him seem vain... Gah!

Anyways, ignore my bitterness. I'm sure it'll pass and leave a general cynicism towards the world.

I'm not saying loving a book is a crime – if I did that I'd have to shoot myself. It's great that Twilight is getting young girls to read. It's just the content of it the I find disturbing. Maybe I'm reading between the lines to much.

Fair go.

Thank you heaps for reviewing, by the way, I found that special book in Harry Potter. I guess half my anger towards twilight is people always comparing it to my Harry.

Thanks again,

Jenn

**Spark Nickelson 2009-04-03 . chapter 1 **

_I don't understand how edward is abusive._

You have reviewed chapter 1 – I'm assuming you havn't read chapter 2 yet? If this is so, go ahead and read it and you'll find out exactly why I think he is.

If you have then, I understand that you won't change your opinion. It would be wrong of me to force you to. So that's ok – Don't Worry, Be Happy.

Thank you for taking to read chapter 1 at least and review,

Jenn.

**Salai Spark 2009-04-03 . chapter 1 **

_Now THATS venting. im impressed, but i still love twilight._

*Luaghs* Thank you.

I promise I won 't force you to change – I just want people to see both sides of the argument...

Thanks again,

Jenn.

**Cee_jay131 2009-04-01 . chapter 1 **

_OMG what a terrible story. I HATE IT! Absolutely HATE it. How could you write that. Its not true and the reason that Twilight is such a good book and is on the top of the best seller list, is because it has an awesome story line and OH that is terrible. YOU SUCK!_

Technically, it's not a story :)

I understand If you don't like my opinion – your far far far from the first. I'm not saying your opinion is wrong and that if you do like twilight your a complete idiot. Please hold the same respect for me as I do for you.

I could write it because I do hate Twilight. And why not write it?

Just letting you know that Harry Potter has sold over 400 million copies. How much has Twilight sold? 42 million copies. It's very very very far from top of the bestseller list. Very far.

Mortal plus immortal fall in love is not a storyline. It's been done, done again and done some more.

Yes I do suck. And blow.

^^ I need to stop insulting myself, but its just so much fun!

Anywho, Thanks for reviewing. I hope my answers have cleared some stuff up for you.

Jenn.

**Cortni 2009-04-01 . chapter 2 **

_I think I'm in love with you, author. Bravo on this._

Oh why thank you! Wow. Thanks. I'm all blushing now.

Thank you very much for reviewing,

Jenn.


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